hideaway

Holy shit.

I kind of forgot about blogspot.

That doesn't mean things have been perfect, by no means, no. I've just been busy up the wazoo.

So many things have happened since the last time I updated.

Branson, Missiouri. Oh lord, I don't know how I feel about that still. It was a hellish time where I was forced to watch everyone suck face, but I got close to a lot of new people, and I have great friendships now. I had a really good talk with Christina, and we seem to atleast be on the same page now. It's not a big mystery what she does every weekend now, so she knows that I know.

Good talk with Sooms, she's going through so much. I wish I could be there for her more, and help her as much as I can. She doesn't deserve some of the shit she's put through. She's my momma. I love her.

Good talk with Nate Ross, hah, what an awesome kid. Very thoughtful, very passionate about Hayley, it was good. I felt like someone understood the feelings that I feel everytime I look at Jess. I'm finally understood.

Good talks plural with Evan, that kid is seriously one of my great friends now. He's getting pulled through so much shit with this whole entire dilemma, and he just wants to be happy. I feel so bad for the kid.

The play is done. Rebel without a Cause. It only meant something to me in the last week. Eveything came together and we gave some amazing shows, some of the better shows I've been in ever. 7th play at Denfeld. Probably my best role yet. I'm satisfied. It was awesome to get to be with everyone there. And again, I got great friendships out of it.

I've been off and on with my happiness/sadness. There are days where I'm at the top of the world, and others where all I want to do is jump.

Things with me and Jess are amazing. The only problem is time. We don't get time together. And it's neither of our faults, hell no. I don't blame her, no does she me. But I just want a whole day with her, with nothing going on. Not sure when we'll ever get that. It'll be amazing when we do though. Living together is proving to be a lot easier than it was before when she just moved here. Things are great now. Nay, amazing. I still love this girl with all of my heart. Every ounce of love is going to her. My heart is hers. I love her so much.

Upcoming attractions: Theme Concert, Outdoor Concert, Prom, Potential play (don't want to do grease, though, really don't) and summer.

Damn, schools almost done. Summers almost here. 2 years is almost here. But that means Evan leaving too, and that scares me more and more everyday. I don't want the kid to leave, we just got to be friends, and it sucks. I know it's his choice, but damn, I don't understand any of it. I don't know.

All I know is, we better not get McCain. Or else I'm killing myself. I will not have him keeping all of those troops in Iraq until we are quote "friends with them". That will not happen. Now that I know someone that is going into the service, I want him to be as safe as can be, and that will NOT happen with McCain.

And don't get me started on Hilary.

I'm done.

I have a couple hours to kill. By myself. Go me.

Life should be looking up. I hope. I believe so.

Fin.

til kingdom come

I'm a mess.

I was an ass last night.

I don't even know what happened, or how it started. But I feel like shit.

And all I want to do is hold her right now.

She's not here.

I feel like crying.

Last night was the first night in a while that I've thought about hurting myself, because I hurt her so much.

God fucking damnit.

I'm so sorry, Jess.

I really am.

Fin.

happiness

I'm the happiest I've been in a long time.

Fin.

the boy who blocked his own shot

Seriously neglecting this blog.

Not intentionally, just time has been flying.

Much has changed, but stayed the same.

Jess is still here. That's a plus.

But...it's complicated. We fight more. And she says we're not cutesy anymore. I don't mean for any of this, I hate it when we spat. But...we're just at each other more often.

I don't know if it's living together, or what. But it's the both of us, not just one or the other.

We'll figure it out.

But I just always get the impression she's not happy here. That she's just not happy. No matter what I do, she'll never be happy.

I just don't want anything to be ruined, that would be the end of me.

We'll figure it out.

I know we will.

I love her.

Fin.

no more sorrow

A lot has changed in the past couple of weeks.

But the only thing that really matters?

My girlfriend is sleeping behind me.

And she's back.

For good.

And I can't even describe how it's changed everything. I finally feel happy. Genuinely happy. She's back, she's really really back.

I'm still in awe.

I love her so much.

And she's finally back.

This is a whole new chapter in my life, and I can't wait to let the pages unfold.

Fin.

all that I want

I didn't make any new years resolutions because I didn't want to get disappointed.

I knew I had to wait 6 more months for Jess to be in my arms again.

There's never been a moment where I was so glad I was wrong.

She's coming to live with me on January 15th, 2008.

I really don't know what else to write.

Because I am the happiest man in the entire world right now.

A whole blog is bitching - She is finally gonna be back here.

She's registering at Denfeld next week.

I'm speechless.

I have a purpose for life right now.

Thank you for this opportunity, whomever I'm talking to.

She's gonna be back.

I'll be happy once again.

Fin.

yule shoot your eye out

Merry Christmas.